A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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