Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize