my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
