She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
