I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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