We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
