I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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