Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
