I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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