if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
