I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
