I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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