The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
