Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
