she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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