i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize