My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
someone owes me an orgasm
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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