I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ok first of all what the fuck
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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