took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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