dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
