ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
