can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
