I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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