I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
