No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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