and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
