why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
