weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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