drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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