Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
