I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize