Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well most of my day revolves around power hour
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
