found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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