I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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