kristin has been a bad kristin
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
