About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
