saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize