i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A bitchslap is in order.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
