we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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