If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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