You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
