Non-Jews are for practice
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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