I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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