dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
