I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can I color on your dick again?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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