franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
