we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
