Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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