You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
