I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
