I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we're making bets on your personal life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
