It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
