I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
