no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
