from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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