My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
