so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't make out with my wife yet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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