Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didn't notice because vodka
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
