Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
