i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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