he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
