so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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