well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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