There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
