Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
