and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
