he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're like the curious george of whores
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize