awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
