I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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