He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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