So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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