Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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