Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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