member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
