If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
