I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize