Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
