YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
