I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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