ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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