He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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