Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
