Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
