Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
