I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's the barista slut.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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