Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
