I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
