don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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