i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
