Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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